A month after she left...

Monday, November 08, 2004:
bai...kerinduan ku pada mu membara..
setiap hari bagaikan padang pasir
tanpamu

keindahan laut lenyap tanpa kehadiranmu
kecerian burung senyap tanpamu disisiku

bai,kaulah sahabat ku di kala ku sedih
kalaulah kawan yg merawat hatiku yg
pedih

bai,kalaulah teman yg mengajar ku erti
kehidupan
di kala ku sesat di dalam hutan

akan ku susuni jari jemariku
utk ku pohon doa utk mu
supaya kau bejaya menimba ilmu
sepanjang perjalanan ke dunia barumu

i love you bai

p/s: baii..ko ape kaba..storylah..aku rindu nak jumpe
ko..aku still adeeq yg ko kenal dulu.

This is the last message I've got from her before she past away. Tomorrow, will be a month since she passed away. How I wish that my sad feelings will go away...I still miss her at times..and sometimes my heart hurt badly..This few days, I've been thinking about death..I don't know why..but I've been having a wierd feeling about it.. I remembered it all started when I read the sympthom2 of dying. It been haunted me since maybe it is because I'm not ready for it. I even scared to tell my closest friends and family that I am really2 scared. I don't think I have enough good deeds to secure a place in heaven. I am not a good daughter to my parents as there are still things for them I have'nt complete. Too scared to think that after I died, my family will lost its breadwinner as most income comes from me. Too scared to think that my responsibilities will be handed to Ana and Mamat as they still need me as I need her so much. Too scared that my parents could not face the reality as they have put so much hope in me. Too scared that I will not have the last chance to tell them that they are my world and how I love them so much. Too scared that don't have the chance to tell all my friends that I love them so much and appreciate their friendship so much as they have helped me to build myself. Too scared to continue this anymore................................................................?????